So it occurred to me today, while sitting on the sofa with my sleeping husband and son (I can’t sleep during the day) that despite all of the books, my friends and family telling me to I still find it hard to take time for myself.
When you have a baby it’s the first time in your life when you put someone completely before yourself. When you are married or in a relationship you have that special someone who is your equal, you put them beside yourself, sometimes they’re in front of you and other times you put yourself first. With your child you have a little person who is completely dependant on you..hence them being “dependants” on any forms you fill in. You consistently put them before you, sometimes in the morning I still look at the clock and realise that it’s 11:30 and despite doing everything Isaac could possibly need I haven’t eaten or drank anything yet, my body is running on nothing.
Since Isaac was born I have only spent one night away from him. I’m beginning to realise that up until this point I haven’t really wanted time for myself, I think that having to go back to work has given me a polite little shove in that direction. I’ve heard a lot about other peoples weekends, what they’ve done, their monster hangovers. I think that when you have a baby you are so completely and utterly consumed by your new world that you forget any other existed before.
The only time that I get for myself is the drive to work and the drive back from work…I turn my music up loud and sing along…I’m not sure that this really qualifies as me time though. I can’t even shop for myself any more. I want to shop for me, don’t get me wrong, I want to shop for me but all I see are baby clothes that he would look nice in, when did that happen? I LOVED shopping for me pre-baby, really loved it! I had so many clothes in my bulging wardrobe…surprisingly none of them fit any more. Why does no one mention that in the pregnancy books? Yes you will get back to your pre pregnancy weight if you work and eat right but your body shape will never be the same. It’s not just me either, a number of my friends who have had babies have mentioned this too, their body shape has completely changed. My hips are wider, no surprise I guess, as is my rib cage! As a result I’m having to start over with my wardrobe but I can’t find a thing! I usually bring Isaac with me too, when he isn’t there I feel like I’m missing a part of myself, even though he makes trying things on a nightmare!!
Now he is a bit older and a bit more independent maybe I should do a bit more for myself?
New resolution, starting this week I will take at least an hour every week to be me. I will leave the house alone, i will leave isaac with his daddy, I will do something for me and I will write it all down to prove it!!
I can be a mummy and a person at the same time!